Managing Energy Over Time

Often within a few months of new parents returning to work, the commonly asked question throughout coaching is “How can I manage the demands of work as well as all that’s involved in my family life…and stay sane?!”.To which I say, “You can’t increase the number of hours in your day, but you CAN manage, expand and better focus your energy to manage anxiety, be more productive and feel more content about work and life”.

Ideas of managing time can lead people to lose themselves in an exhaustive to-do list, only to feel disheartened and frustrated if they run out of time before finishing off everything on the list. While I’m not proposing you drop your to-do lists, I am suggesting that your focus needs to shift from “how much I can do in less time” to “where can I best focus my energy” in this time as a new parent.

Energy management suggests a set of habits you cultivate to conserve and replenish your energy when you are likely to be battling fatigue and adapting to a new way of being. Let me explain my formula:

Get the Basics Right

The first kind of energy is physical. Taking on the responsibility of a full-time work role AND as a parent, requires you to be serious about being well-nourished.

Here are three physical habits to cultivate:

1. Eat Well

The first priority is to plan wholesome meals and hydrate regularly, to manage your energy and emotions. This should be your number one physical consideration to remain energised, to support your ability to manage your emotions. Isn’t it funny that your baby’s feeding is such a high priority, but you often neglect your own? Little thought, time or effort can practically go into preparing a wholesome, well-balanced meal when you are feeling spent. Ideally, outside of the health implications, meal preparation should not lead you to give up the time in your evenings that you would like for yourself and for you and your partner to connect.

Ways to reduce meal-prep time:

• Order ready prepared healthy, well-balanced meals or meal kits that are quick to prepare.
• Keep an online shopping list up to date to always have fresh ingredients and the basics available for quick meal preparation.
• If family or friends offer help, let them know that you would welcome a ready-made freezer meal. The more, the merrier.
• Prepare some home-cooked meals in advance that you can freeze.
• Plan meals for the week on the weekend, so it doesn’t take up headspace during the week.

2. Rest

Notice that I use ‘rest’ and not ‘sleep’. By the time parents return to work, sleep deprivation or interrupted sleep has become the order of the day. However, rest is something you can practice deliberately to alleviate the fatigue you experience as a natural consequence of transitioning to a working parent. However, you may be thinking “When will I ever be able to sit and do nothing?”, if this is your hearts cry, here are a few ideas to consider:

• Block rest time unashamedly in your diary during work hours. Even spending just 5 to 10 minutes uninterrupted, away from people and screens, once or twice a day can have a meaningful impact- Consider the potential for gaining clarity and perspective or getting some creative thoughts flowing.
• Find and eliminate (ruthlessly) any home-based activities that you don’t need to take on yourself. Ask yourself what you can extract or delegate to make space for you to ‘be’ rather than do?

3. Exercise

We all know the importance of exercise for managing stress and wellbeing. The question is, “how or when do I fit it in?”. If you enjoyed physical exercise before becoming a parent, it may not be possible to get into the regular rigorous regime you followed previously. However, it is possible to make a start, albeit more slowly than you may have liked.

In recent years many people started exercising at home by using online classes or walking the neighbourhood. In the absence of the gym, fresh air and light exercise can do wonders for your soul, let alone your body! And when the sun is shining, you can grab some of the necessary Vitamin D.

Where to start:

• Be realistic about what can work for you-15 minutes a day of stretch or movement? A short run once or twice a week? A couple of yoga classes a week?
• Contract with your partner or support network to take charge at home to free you up for this
• Don’t be too hard on yourself if your body feels different to move post-parenthood

Reframe your perspective and avoid mentalities that drain energy

Avoid the energy drain of perfectionism!

Avoid being a perfectionist, don’t let “perfect” get in the way of “good”. We know that return-to-work parents feel pressure, often self-induced, to prove themselves. I hear women (in particular), before they step back into work, saying, “I want them to see that nothing has changed; I am as committed to my career as I was”. This perspective will only lead to a major mental and emotional energy drain when, on return to work, they inevitably compare themselves and their performance with their BC selves (“Before Children”) and feel lacking. This creates a breeding ground for guilt, self-doubt and insecurity. Judging oneself in this way is a pointless, de-energising exercise, that prevents you from seeing that you’re probably doing a lot better than you think you are.

Take perspective over the significant change that has come about and realise that it’s OK that your priorities have changed and that this will impact how your workload looks. Think of it as developing a new ‘operating system’, which is a work-in-progress. It will take some figuring out before it will start to feel like you are in a comfortable rhythm.

Tips to get to practice “good”, not perfect:

• Apply the “Do, Delegate, Dump” philosophy to your workload: Ruthlessly remove anything that is not worthy of your time, attention, talents and influence.
• Play to your strengths and focus on what you know is achievable, this will energise you.
• Value your own time, don’t fixate on getting something perfect and risk losing perspective and energy in the process. Catch yourself before it gets to this. When you place a value on your own time, you will be more strategic in sensing when to stop and when the product is good-to-go.
• Remember there is no such thing as a ‘perfect parent’, instead do the best you can do, as the best parents let their children learn from their imperfections. If only we could see ourselves through the eyes of our children: how might this change our view of what the BEST means and give us peace that we are doing more than OK?

Fill Your Tank

Have you ever read Marie Kondo’s book about “de-cluttering”? In a sense, this is what we have been talking about here. I love her concept of “living in a space that sparks joy”. With this in mind, let’s look at how we can replenish energy in this season of life by giving attention to those things that spark joy.

Energy can burn up very quickly when you are in a negative emotional state. The more upbeat and hopeful you are, the more energy you will preserve. Some activities can even replenish energy at a time when we need as much as we can get.

Here are a few ideas to add to those joy-sparking habits you may already have embraced:

Celebrate Victories and Successes:

• Don’t waste time focussing on mess-ups and setbacks, focus instead on your victories both great and small
• Keep a journal of the small wins, successes and contributions you add each day or week (no matter how minor)
• Find reasons to celebrate at home too. My husband and I have made it a habit in our long marriage to always have a bottle of wine or something bubbly in the fridge, ever prepared to celebrate something – any excuse!

Reward Yourself

• There is power in optimistic anticipation. I have heard “anticipation” described as “the stepping-stone to hope”. As human beings, we need to be excited about things in the future. Think about different scales of reward you could plan into your day, week, month or year that would help you have a sense of accomplishment and refresh you.
• Depending on what sparks joy for you, a reward could include time alone to read or take a bath (without an audience!), watching a movie, social time with a friend, a weekend away as a family. I often encourage the parents I coach to plan events, mini-breaks and holidays into the year well in advance

Exercise Your Sense of Humour

Some believe laughter as the best medicine. To endorse this, here’s a quote that helps remind me of the value of a good giggle and not to take any phase of life so seriously that you lose your sense of humour. “Laughter strengthens your immune system, boosts mood, diminishes pain, and protects you from the damaging effects of stress. Nothing works faster or more dependably to bring your mind and body back into balance than a good laugh.”

If you could wake up tomorrow with a significantly more positive, focused energy to invest in work and with your family, how would that change your life for the better? I think I know what your answer is likely to be. There is a saying that “people who feel good about themselves do good work”. I believe the reverse is also true. I am convinced that giving attention to the right things in this season of transition is the secret to “doing good work” both as an employee and as a parent and consequently “feeling good about yourself”.  So, follow these guidelines to manage your energy, not your time.