Tom Beardshaw - Executive Coach
For many adults, the realisation that they may have ADHD comes not from their own struggles, but from their child’s diagnosis. Raising a neurodivergent child certainly brings its challenges. Still, as parents learn about the condition and notice similar traits in themselves, it can lead to the need for their own late ADHD diagnosis. Getting to a diagnosis, however, involves navigating a complex pathway of choices within a broken health system, all while balancing family, work, and the challenges of organisation and planning.
The Hidden Struggles of Neurodivergent Parents
Parenting is demanding for anyone, but for parents with ADHD, the daily grind can feel overwhelming. ADHD affects how you manage time, handle stress, and regulate emotions, among other things. Tasks like organising school schedules, household responsibilities, or just staying calm during a child’s outburst can be far more difficult when you’re also managing your own symptoms, especially when you don’t realise that you’re also living with the condition.
Many parents find themselves feeling frustrated and blaming themselves. However, ADHD often lies behind these struggles, and many remain unaware until their child’s diagnosis, when, learning about the heritability of ADHD, they are prompted to reflect on their own behaviours and ask whether it is present in themselves.
If you’re a parent suspecting that you may have ADHD, you’re not alone. ADHD is significantly underdiagnosed in the UK, particularly among adults - there are hundreds of thousands of us. Many individuals—especially women—only discover their condition via their child’s diagnosis. ADHD affects around between 3% and 5% of the population. Yet, actual diagnosis rates are far lower, especially for those who grew up before the condition was officially recognised as affecting both adults and children (a recognition that only came in 2008 in the UK).
Navigating the UK Diagnosis Crisis
Unfortunately, seeking a diagnosis as an adult in the UK can be a frustrating process. NHS waiting lists have reached crisis levels, with the BBC reporting it will take an average of eight years to clear the backlog of over 200,000 people awaiting assessment. In this environment, it has even become politically contentious, with misinformation about ADHD often circulating in newspaper opinion pieces dismissing it as “just a trend”, “not real” or minimising its impact.
But ADHD is not a fad, it’s genuine and very serious. It’s a highly evidenced neurodevelopmental condition that can profoundly affect your life in multiple ways, costing the average undiagnosed ADHDer 13 years of reduced life expectancy. So, what can you do if you choose to seek a diagnosis via the NHS, given the challenges?
A lesser-known but important legal right in NHS England is the "Right to Choose," which allows patients to request that their GP refer them for a private diagnosis with an NHS-approved provider if the waiting time for treatment exceeds 18 weeks. This can significantly shorten wait times and, in the current environment, exercising your "Right to Choose" can be a valuable option to explore. It’s also relatively easy to find information about this process online.
Treatment: A Combination Approach
The good news is that ADHD is highly treatable, and the results can be transformative. The recommended treatment is a combination of medication and coaching or therapy. Medication can be highly effective, with around 80% of people with ADHD able to find a medication that works for them by adjusting brain chemistry to reduce their symptoms. Medication does require a formal medical diagnosis.
That’s where coaching or therapy steps in. Coaching, particularly with trained professionals experienced in working with neurodivergent clients, can help you build on your strengths and learn skills that bring lasting change. These include strategies for time management, emotional regulation, organisation, prioritisation, and planning. Coaching helps address the practical challenges that ADHD presents, making day-to-day life more manageable.
In my own coaching practice, I’ve seen how this combination of support can change lives. Clients often experience breakthroughs that help them manage their lives, especially when coaching is combined with effective medication. But even without medication, coaching or CBT therapy can make a significant difference by empowering individuals to understand and manage their condition more effectively.
ADHD in the Workplace: Challenges and Strengths
ADHD is a recognised disability in the UK, meaning that employees with ADHD (whether diagnosed or not) are entitled to reasonable adjustments in the workplace, to help them succeed. For HR and DEI professionals, understanding how to support neurodivergent employees can make a substantial difference.
Common adjustments include:- Flexible working hours or remote options: Allowing employees to work during their most productive times or from quieter environments that suit them and promote productivity.
- Noise-cancelling headphones or quiet workspaces: Helping employees avoid distractions and stay focused on the task at hand.
- Clear, written instructions: Ensuring tasks are communicated clearly to avoid misunderstandings or missing something in a verbal instruction.
- Regular check-ins and structured, thoughtful feedback: Offering consistent support and guidance helps keep employees on track.
While ADHD presents challenges, neurodivergent employees often bring remarkable strengths to the workplace. Many ADHDers are highly creative, excellent problem-solvers, and capable of intense focus when engaged with tasks that interest them. Once the most disruptive symptoms of ADHD are managed, these strengths can truly flourish, benefiting both the employee and the organisation.
What's Next?
If you believe you might have ADHD and would like to access a diagnosis, your first step should be to speak to your GP about it. The “Right to Choose” option can provide a faster pathway for those who don’t want to wait years for an NHS assessment. Alternatively, private diagnosis is also available, though it comes with associated costs.
For those living with ADHD—or who suspect they may have it—the strategies developed through coaching can be truly beneficial. At The Executive Coaching Consultancy, our neurodiversity coaches understand the unique challenges and strengths associated with ADHD. Whether you’re a parent, a professional, or both, there are ways to manage your condition and succeed in all areas of life.
