Often within a few months of new parents returning to work, the commonly asked question throughout coaching is “How can I manage the demands of work as well as all that’s involved in my family life…and stay sane?!”.To which I say, “You can’t increase the number of hours in your day, but you CAN manage, expand and better focus your energy to manage anxiety, be more productive and feel more content about work and life”.
Ideas of managing time can lead people to lose themselves in an exhaustive to-do list, only to feel disheartened and frustrated if they run out of time before finishing off everything on the list. While I’m not proposing you drop your to-do lists, I am suggesting that your focus needs to shift from “how much I can do in less time” to “where can I best focus my energy” in this time as a new parent.
Energy management suggests a set of habits you cultivate to conserve and replenish your energy when you are likely to be battling fatigue and adapting to a new way of being. Let me explain my formula:
The first kind of energy is physical. Taking on the responsibility of a full-time work role AND as a parent, requires you to be serious about being well-nourished.
Here are three physical habits to cultivate:
The first priority is to plan wholesome meals and hydrate regularly, to manage your energy and emotions. This should be your number one physical consideration to remain energised, to support your ability to manage your emotions. Isn’t it funny that your baby’s feeding is such a high priority, but you often neglect your own? Little thought, time or effort can practically go into preparing a wholesome, well-balanced meal when you are feeling spent. Ideally, outside of the health implications, meal preparation should not lead you to give up the time in your evenings that you would like for yourself and for you and your partner to connect.
Ways to reduce meal-prep time:
Notice that I use ‘rest’ and not ‘sleep’. By the time parents return to work, sleep deprivation or interrupted sleep has become the order of the day. However, rest is something you can practice deliberately to alleviate the fatigue you experience as a natural consequence of transitioning to a working parent. However, you may be thinking “When will I ever be able to sit and do nothing?”, if this is your hearts cry, here are a few ideas to consider:
We all know the importance of exercise for managing stress and wellbeing. The question is, “how or when do I fit it in?”. If you enjoyed physical exercise before becoming a parent, it may not be possible to get into the regular rigorous regime you followed previously. However, it is possible to make a start, albeit more slowly than you may have liked.
In recent years many people started exercising at home by using online classes or walking the neighbourhood. In the absence of the gym, fresh air and light exercise can do wonders for your soul, let alone your body! And when the sun is shining, you can grab some of the necessary Vitamin D.
Where to start:
Avoid the energy drain of perfectionism!
Avoid being a perfectionist, don’t let “perfect” get in the way of “good”. We know that return-to-work parents feel pressure, often self-induced, to prove themselves. I hear women (in particular), before they step back into work, saying, “I want them to see that nothing has changed; I am as committed to my career as I was”. This perspective will only lead to a major mental and emotional energy drain when, on return to work, they inevitably compare themselves and their performance with their BC selves (“Before Children”) and feel lacking. This creates a breeding ground for guilt, self-doubt and insecurity. Judging oneself in this way is a pointless, de-energising exercise, that prevents you from seeing that you’re probably doing a lot better than you think you are.
Take perspective over the significant change that has come about and realise that it’s OK that your priorities have changed and that this will impact how your workload looks. Think of it as developing a new ‘operating system’, which is a work-in-progress. It will take some figuring out before it will start to feel like you are in a comfortable rhythm.
Tips to get to practice “good”, not perfect:
Fill Your Tank
Have you ever read Marie Kondo’s book about “de-cluttering”? In a sense, this is what we have been talking about here. I love her concept of “living in a space that sparks joy”. With this in mind, let’s look at how we can replenish energy in this season of life by giving attention to those things that spark joy.
Energy can burn up very quickly when you are in a negative emotional state. The more upbeat and hopeful you are, the more energy you will preserve. Some activities can even replenish energy at a time when we need as much as we can get.
Here are a few ideas to add to those joy-sparking habits you may already have embraced:
Celebrate Victories and Successes:
Reward Yourself
Exercise Your Sense of Humour
Some believe laughter as the best medicine. To endorse this, here’s a quote that helps remind me of the value of a good giggle and not to take any phase of life so seriously that you lose your sense of humour. “Laughter strengthens your immune system, boosts mood, diminishes pain, and protects you from the damaging effects of stress. Nothing works faster or more dependably to bring your mind and body back into balance than a good laugh.”
If you could wake up tomorrow with a significantly more positive, focused energy to invest in work and with your family, how would that change your life for the better? I think I know what your answer is likely to be. There is a saying that “people who feel good about themselves do good work”. I believe the reverse is also true. I am convinced that giving attention to the right things in this season of transition is the secret to “doing good work” both as an employee and as a parent and consequently “feeling good about yourself”. So, follow these guidelines to manage your energy, not your time.