If we consider traditional career paths, they are linear and often represented by a ladder. Reid Hoffman, the co-founder of LinkedIn and author of “The Start-Up of You”, says that the career escalator has jammed, and we need to think differently about our careers. Mainiero and Sullivan offer us an alternative kaleidoscope career model based on what Generation Y want from their jobs. They describe an ongoing interplay between balance, challenge and authenticity.
Striving for balance when our caring commitments are high does not prevent us from wanting a challenge or authenticity in our roles. Still, when we can’t meet our need for these goals, we reach a tipping point.
An added factor is the weight of the “mental load” many carry. The mental load is the thinking behind it, rather than the doing of domestic chores, child care, and life administration, all of which are unpaid mental labour. Many say that women carry more cognitive load and that while men take on more chores at home, they don’t always predict what needs to be done. In her book, “Work Like a Woman”, retail expert and broadcaster Mary Portas claimed that “mental load” expands ten-fold as we become parents. This load can lead to feeling overwhelmed and “failing”.
In my experience of coaching parents at this tipping point, I recognise how tempting it is for them to look to leave as a way of alleviating the immediate all-round pressure. I’m always keen to have them stand back and look at the long term. After all, when children are, perhaps a full-time job is relatively short compared to our whole working lives. Leaving is a short-term solution, but looking at your life’s longer-term arc is vital. I can cite many examples of working parents I have coached who initially told me that they felt they had no choice other than to resign. Instead, after talking it through objectively with me, they come up with several alternatives. Here are a few they have pursued.
If you need to make changes, ensure you don’t cut out the things you love or are most talented at doing. If you lose these, there is a risk that you will lose motivation and your sense of fulfilment.
A working parent recently told me, “I feel like I’m not doing any of my jobs well – my day job, being a mum or running the house”. I asked them who else they knew was holding down three full-time jobs. My advice is to regain control and take pride in being a parent, caregiver, housekeeper, and devoted employee, all rolled into one. Reset the boundaries of what is possible and review your expectations of yourself and those around you. Consider yourself a role model to the next generation who will likely be in dual-career households. Redefine what co-parenting should look like in your family unit and set new parameters around work.
Set yourself a timeframe. Don’t continue to be unhappy or at breaking point. Mentally fix a time in the future, say three to six months from now, by which time you will have discussed all your options and had conversations with your partner or boss which have borne fruit. Often, these adjustments can be presented as a trial period or pilot for a defined period. But ensure you review again in a further three months to see if more adjustments are still needed.
Take courage. The pressure we put on ourselves to be “superhuman” is unfair. As parents, we have incredible superpowers that we rarely apply to ourselves – resilience, kindness, problem-solving, and multitasking. Apply your superpowers, draw upon and play to your strengths, have honest conversations with those that matter, put down some of your mental load and know that you always have a choice about what happens next.