Eldercare often starts with a sudden, unexpected event, such as a fall. So we leap in to handle the crisis, which we can feel very unprepared for. Once started these events often rapidly increase in frequency and need us to respond. This burden, particularly with eldercare, can slip into our lives, unquestioned, unexamined until suddenly it’s too much, we’re burnt out and, at best, we turn down career advancing opportunities, or even resign altogether.
Over our lifetimes, most of us will need to take primary or secondary responsibility for the care of a dependent relative or friend. However, women still account for the great majority of carers. Whilst 35% of all adults, and 44% per cent of working adults, have caring responsibilities, the research found that the caring role is not spread equally. Women account for 85% of sole carers for children and 65% of sole carers for older adults according to research from Ipsos/BITC.
In addition, about 8% of carers (about 1.25 million in the UK) identify themselves as ‘sandwich carers’, that is, caring for both an older relative as well as raising a family or caring for grandchildren. There can be a perfect storm for women at an age when they have responsibility for teenage kids, increasing eldercare responsibility and possibly perimenopausal symptoms, all at a time when their career should be flourishing. No wonder women caught in this are exhausted!
For many, this caring has to fit in around our busy day jobs. If organisations are to achieve any sort of gender equity in the coming years, the demands of elder and sandwich care need as much focus as childcare has received to date.
The research evidence from McKinsey, Bloomberg and many more, clearly shows the value women bring to organisations that manage to keep and support them to reach management and senior leadership levels. For more than 20 years ECC has worked with many organisations helping them capitalise on their wealth of women talent by supporting parents and those who manage them to make adjustments so that both families and careers can thrive alongside each other. The demands on parents vary considerably according to the situation. Having a neurodiverse or otherwise differently abled child or being a single or sole parent can magnify these pressures and more support may be necessary. So it is with elder care, where some conditions such as dementia make even greater demands on the carer.
On the positive side, the working environment is changing. The evolution of Flexible Working away from “part time” or “women only” and into the mainstream, is a step forward for all genders. The case for properly funded parental leave for both parents is gaining momentum. Many leading organisations have already equalised parental leave and pay for all parents. Talking about childcare and parenting is getting accepted more and more as part of organisational life.
Eldercare is a somewhat taboo subject – as we’re often aging ourselves at this stage and are reluctant to draw further attention to this and risk discrimination. There have been some recent laws proposed in the UK to support those with care responsibilities which are likely to take effect in 2024. Bearing in mind our aging population and extended life expectancy, this situation is well and truly here to stay. NHS England tells us that it takes two years of care before we identify as a carer.
Working can be a real respite from the toll and distress of eldercare, part of our identity is often associated with our jobs. So keeping our careers on track, brings us psychological benefits too, as well as precious income. The link between eldercare work and mental health is more thoroughly explored in this article from the BPS.
Even if we’re fortunate enough to have created a good level of autonomy and work in a supportive team, the multiple demands unconsciously shouldered by women causes us to take a long hard look at our lives. Anxiety and insomnia which can accompany menopause are further amplified by the distress of watching a loved one steadily decline.
The sharp clarity of our own mortality brings the gift of needing to make the most of our remaining time working and living. We often want to make more of a difference. The quality of the time we spend with our loved ones becomes more important. Our sense of purpose for working comes right into the foreground, seeking meaning and satisfaction from what we do, even simple things like enjoying being with colleagues and having some financial support can be enough.
Just at the point when many of us could progress to the top of organisations and make more of a difference, we’re choosing not to. Leading organisations are increasingly aware of their overlooked talent, but many are not yet deliberately and proactively investing in, and developing, their older women.
Employers, policy makers and all of us working in organisations need to embrace caring as part of our working lives, offering curiosity and compassion as we deepen our learning about the demands our colleagues are silently shouldering.
Carers UK: http://www.carersonline.org.uk Advice, information and campaigning for carers.
Princess Royal Trust for Carers – The national network of over 113 Carers Centres provide information, support and practical help to carers.
Crossroads Caring for Carers – National network of Crossroads Schemes give carers time to be themselves and have a break from their caring responsibilities. Trained carer support workers provide practical help usually in the home.
Carerwatch – Campaign group run by carers to highlight the underfunding of the care system.
Carers Direct – Free, confidential information and advice for carers. Call Carers Direct on 0808 802 0202.
Age UK
Counsel and Care
Independent Age helps older people on low incomes to live with dignity and peace of mind
The Relatives & Residents Association exists for older people needing, or living in, residential care and the families and friends left behind.
Action on Elder Abuse – AEA work to protect, and prevent the abuse of, vulnerable older adults.